It's game 7 of the NBA finals and a man makes his way to his seat at center court. He sits down and notices that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone is sitting there. He responds, "No, the seat's empty." "The first man exclaims, "What?!? Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the NBA finals and not use it?" The neighbor responds, "Well the seat is mine, but my wife passed away and this is the first NBA finals we haven't been together." The first man responds," I'm sorry to hear that. Wasn't there anyone else, a friend or relative, that could've taken that seat?" The neighbor responds, "No, they're all at the funeral."
Golfer: "I'd move heaven & earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven; you've already moved most of the earth."
A Giants fan, a Padre fan, and a Dodger fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more. The Padre fan insists he's the most loyal. "This is for San Diego!" he yells and jumps off the side of the mountain. Not to be outdone, the Giants fan is next to profess his love for his team. He yells, "This is for San Francisco!" and pushes the Dodger fan off the mountain.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
How many snowboarders does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 50: 3 to die trying, 1 to actually pull it off, and 46 other to say, "man, I could do that!"
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."
I named my hard drive "dat ass," so once a month my computer asks if I want to "back dat ass up."
A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left." "Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?" "Ten," the doctor says sadly. "Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!" "Nine..."
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
A Spanish captain was walking on his ship when a soldier rushes to him and exclaims, "An enemy ship is approaching us!" The captain replies calmly, "Go get my red shirt." The soldier gets the shirt for the captain. The enemy ship comes in and heavy rounds of fire are exchanged. Finally, the Spaniards win. The soldier asks, "Congrats sir, but why the red shirt?" The captain replies, "If I got injured, my blood shouldn't be seen, as I didn't want my men to lose hope." Just then, another soldier runs up and says, "Sir, we just spotted another twenty enemy ships!" The captain calmly replies, "Go bring my yellow pants."
Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Two: one to change it and another one to change it back again.
China, Russia, and Poland venture to space. China says they'll go to Pluto because it's the farthest. Russia says they'll go to Jupiter because it's the biggest. Poland says they'll go to the Sun. Russia and China warn that they'll melt. They reply, "We'll go at night."

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21个月宝宝睡眠给宝宝量体温计那种的好用宝宝长牙被顶出块肉七个月宝宝可以喝凉白开吗生完宝宝精神21个月宝宝睡眠宝宝腿有肉身上没肉宝宝长牙被顶出块肉宝宝做脑部ct的费用宝宝长牙牙龈血肿需要上医院吗25天宝宝半睡半醒笑21个月宝宝睡眠宝宝喝奶粉不适应有什么症状宝宝一下断了奶会生病吗宝宝长牙被顶出块肉宝宝长牙牙龈血肿需要上医院吗25个月宝宝半夜还喝奶13个月宝宝特点13个月宝宝特点怀孕了帮宝宝准备29周宝宝胎动厉害13个月宝宝特点宝宝做脑部ct的费用26个月宝宝衣服穿多大的生完宝宝精神宝宝心脏b超做出来好的七个月宝宝可以喝凉白开吗27周的宝宝能存活吗做三维宝宝脚有点内翻宝宝喝奶粉不适应有什么症状穿越到玄幻世界,好不容易加入了圣地宗门觉醒了御灵系统 谁想到攒了几个月家底贷款炼制出来的御灵丹就被圣地的圣女师姐误食了 结果因祸得福,获得隐藏奖励 但是接下来的和灵宠服从性测试任务让白云琦傻眼了 “首先是原地转圈!” “然后是摸头舔手!” “最后是以坐骑形态出击!” ....... “师姐,你也不想你在大庭广众之下做服从性测试吧?” 本以为一次是意外,但一次接一次的被其他美少女吃下御灵丹,白云琦的心态发生了微妙的变化:这是御灵还是御人啊......方正是地府的阴差,负责接引怨魂。有一天白无常让方正开展直播业务,普及地府阴差工作不易。承诺只要方正好好干,就把女儿许配给他。方正很快在地府混的风生水起,脚踩十大阴帅,并肩十殿阎罗。 直播间里:“死都死了,还叫唤呢,你是真没见过地府黑社会啊。”“哥们,下辈子小心点,刷牙别那么用力。”“你这死相也太惨了,能打一下马赛克吗?”这是似忽是一个中世纪世界,但又有像九夏,阿拉汉,瀛洲这样的东方国家。 这个世界有淳朴的人类,有高洁的精灵,有可爱的兽人,有邪恶的魔族......至少林武刚穿越到这里时是这么认为的。 他是以一个人类的身份来到这个世界的,在他生活的人类国家里,有美丽的贵族小姐,善解人意的修女,英俊的骑士,开明的领主。你可以在城里的公会里注册成为一个冒险者,成为一个传说;又或是拜入领主麾下,成为一名骑士,征战四方;还是成为商人,富甲一方。 但林武看到衣着华丽的贵族,衣衫褴褛的农奴;金碧辉煌的宫殿,充满恶臭的贫民窟;摆满桌子的山珍海味,发霉的面包,林武觉得这第二次生命,应为这世界上最美好的事情奋斗,他将带领这些绝望的人换一个活法,一个更有意义的活法。 运筹帷幄算天下,一身修为定乾坤 以凡躯肉体血染苍穹,以无双智计扭转数国时局 震乾坤,逆生死 得至宝,夺造化 破万界,立天道 练就无上神通,击败无数强者,屹立在天道之上,自创天道,沐浴万灵,即是创天主宰。 生于平凡家庭的夜蝉,屡遭背叛算计。 家人惨死,心上人病危。 自己最后落得个剜心而死的下场,殊不知却被恶魔看中。 当他绝处逢生立志修仙时,又逢巨变。 一路坎坷,昔日的好好少年早已消失不见。 机关算尽之下,更为不堪的真相暴露在眼前。 是选择今生挚爱逆天而行,还是获得天大机缘,顺应天道。 夜蝉该如何抉择呢?在这元宇宙高度发展的时代,某一天,数十亿人降临万族大陆,成为城主,参与万族争霸。 降临之初,每个城主都会随机获得初始兵种。 招募兵种,掠夺资源,争霸万族。 岛国:”哈哈哈,我的兵种乃是奥特曼,专打怪兽,华夏国的蝼蚁们,颤抖吧!“ 米国:”永恒族.......看我打造无限手套,一个响指灭你华夏。“ 阿三:”整个万族大陆都是我神族创造的.......“ 看着如此嚣张的几国,林天看了看脚下的九爪金龙,不禁陷入沉思,这几国脑子瓦特了? 现代少年余福穿越至同为余福的乡村少男身上,这里有等级森严的王朝制度,有心中向往的热血江湖,来到这个乱世又如何独善其身…… 大概很多亿万年前,人与野兽共处,那时为了生存,人们抱团在一起,修炼体魄,铸造围墙,但仍挡不住强大妖兽的进攻,后来有人在修炼中发现了灵的存在,从此人类开始走向新的纪元。 灵存在于人身,也存在万物,万物有灵。那时修炼灵的人—修炼者。修炼到极致可脱胎换骨幻化新生,超凡脱俗,不死不灭,那时便不再是人,被称为仙,但仙道并不好走,自古以来成仙者寥寥无几,到后面就再也没出现过,仙成了一个传说,但修炼的人并没有减少反而越来越多,越来越疯狂。 到了修仙鼎盛时期,人们相互残杀,争强好胜不择手段,有的人抛弃了父母,背井离乡去寻找机遇。有的人为了强大和永生、为了资源杀人放火抢劫,视生命如草芥,动辄就是灭门,尸横遍野。 最后修仙一词被唾弃,修仙者变成了不务正业,山贼土匪,杀人放火无恶不作的代名词。少年流落异乡,只为寻得最开始的记忆。战场千钧一发,身边又有多少人陪伴。铁骑一出,看这江山无恙。天可崩,地可裂,王位也该换人坐。760196
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